Slaying The Referral Demons

Referrals can be one of the easiest paths to more appointments and sales. ‘Can be’ is the pivotal term in this equation. For some of you, the ease with which you ask for and receive a referral depends on the relationship you have developed with your client or prospect. For the rest of you, asking for referrals is uncomfortable regardless of the relationship you have with the folks you talk to.

For those of you in the first category, if you’re asking a good friend, family member, or an established customer to suggest folks you can speak with, the asking for and getting referrals goes easier. You’ve already built the rapport, trust, and confidence necessary to ask for a name or two. It may be less comfortable for you and your customers in the early stages of a business relationship. It is tricky business for most people to offer the name of someone they know to someone they don’t know or trust. I have to be pretty clear that the folks in my ‘circle’ are going to be treated well before I give their name out. I learned that the hard way. The people we contact each day are no different. What your clients and prospects think and feel about you and how you’ve presented yourself and your products is the determining factor in giving out referrals. Our gatekeeper is not only looking out for us individually. They are also taking care of our friends and family as well.
For those that just can’t settle gently into the business of asking for referrals, know that you are in the majority. This may not bring you comfort but it may help, knowing you’re not alone. As odd as this might seem, the bulk of producers do not ask for referrals. The reasons are varied but it is certain there is fear lurking there. What would seem so basic to a casual observer is fraught with danger and demons. The simple statement, ‘Can you do me a favor and suggest a friend or associate that I can talk to about their investments, retirement, legacy…’, can be and is daunting. Why is it that the majority of producers let these simple opportunities pass them by?

The fear of rejection is always rearing its head. It may be stronger in some than in others but most of us have faced this fear. There are as many reasons to fear rejection, as there are people in the sales profession. Insecurity and uncertainty are additional nemesis that we face and inexperience can also play a role in skipping the important step of asking for referrals. Working with these fears is no easy task. Many will try in vain to rid themselves of what is part of being human. If fear, uncertainty, insecurity and inexperience are part of the show, how do we face the task of asking for referrals?
 
The first step is believing in your product, your message, and the value it can and will bring to your clients and prospects. If you’ve done that homework, then the skillful delivery of the person and the product is the next step. There are a select few that can wing it and pull it off. For the rest of us, we need the support of order and efficiency. Meticulous preparation is the crucial tool to get us there. Fear and insecurity are more likely when we either don’t know what we’re doing or we are unclear about how to do it. Scripting our calls is an important tool to help alleviate the demons of uncertainty and insecurity. You will wait a very long time to ‘overcome’ the fear of asking for referrals. You can work with your fears today by learning the fine art of preparation.

To what degree would we enjoy movie going if there were no scripts for actors to follow? They would face the same dilemma as you do if they tried to give a great performance without a script. It is the screenplay that makes for a story well told and brings the appreciation we experience from a good production.  A well-organized script will do something similar for you and your customers and prospects. When you sound like you know what you’re doing, when a good script brings your presentation to life, more appointments, sales, and referrals are more likely. This is an effective path to a genuine confidence that we all strive for. Here is one example of what you can add to your script:

1) Ask your customer this question, “Can you do me a favor?” (If you’ve done your job, most will respond favorably)

2) If so, ask them, “Who do you know that I should be talking to about the type of work I do?” (Avoid asking a customer, “Do you know of someone I should be talking to?”)

In the end, we have to earn the right to ask for a referral. Getting a recommendation from a customer is a product of how effective you’ve been at gaining their trust and respect. If you’re paying attention, you should know when the time is right to ask for a referral.

How trustworthy are we? Would we honestly refer a friend, a family member, or an associate to someone like us? Our customers are concerned that giving a referral may reflect poorly on them. Do your customers feel certain that this won’t happen to them? Here is a personal and painful example of how that goes:

A client of mine asked if I knew of an individual or organization that worked with sales people on their image. They wanted to better prepare their sales people for face-to-face meetings, how to dress appropriately, how to interact with a prospect or customer etc. I said I knew an image consultant and had recently attended one of her workshops. I told my client that I would have her get in touch with them. I called the consultant and told her that I had a referral for her. I made the effort to prepare her for this client because they were a very, very conservative organization with little flash, a lot of ‘black and white’, and highly efficient and organized. I really felt good about hooking these two up. A week later I received a call from my client. He asked me what in the world I was thinking. He said, “She showed up in a flashy low cut top and when she sat down her dress went 3/4’s of the way up her thigh.” He was obviously upset. I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say. This experience helped me become much more aware of the fragility of the relationships with our clients.

There are a lot of forces at play within us sales people who want more referrals and within those that grant them. The dynamics of human interactions are often complex. Given that, it is important to be patient with the process of working through and with the reasons for avoiding the referral step in the sales process. It is equally important to understand and honor our customer’s reluctance to share this information. By seeing both sides of the equation, we create a little space of respect that can only help to deepen our relationships with those we serve.